A641.9.3.RB - Becoming A Resonant Leader

Dear Marc, You have completed MSLD 641 - Resonant Leadership!  Congratulations!  You are one step closer to completing your masters degree!  Two classes to go!  But I have a couple questions for you: are you closer to living the kind of life you dream of? Are you closer to being the kind of person you want to be?  Throughout the course you went through several exercises that helped you identify your dreams, your vision, your noble purpose, and your ideal life (McKee, Boyatzis & Johnston, 2008).  You wrote a vision statement and came up with a plan to get you there.  How is that coming?  Let’s review those goals and that plan together.

Your vision of your future ideal self includes many different aspects of your life: intellectual, financial, family, social and spiritual.  Many of the pieces of your ideal life you have put in place over the last year when you moved your family to Arizona and took your current job as an EMS helicopter pilot.  That gave you the schedule you wanted and you were able to move to a rural community and buy a couple acres like you have wanted to do for so long.  That is great, but don’t get stagnant!  Keep moving forward!  Keep dreaming!  There is still so much to accomplish.  Shannon L. Alder (n.d.), an inspirational author has said “Your current situation = the life expectations you have accepted as completed, unless you change your comfort zone to create a better life.”  

There are many aspects of your vision for the future that you still have to work on.  It seems like those can be summarized and narrowed down into three underlying themes: starting a business, expressing yourself more openly, and developing more quality relationships.  In fact, let's reimagine these three themes and make them three learning goals for the future.  You will start a business, you will express your opinions and feelings openly, and you will develop deep quality friendships.  As you make your learning plan to accomplish these three goals it is helpful to know your planning style, the way you think about the future.  According to Annie McKee (2008), “people use three approaches to thinking about the future: goal-oriented, direction-oriented, and action-oriented” (p. 153).  After taking the My Planning Style assessment in the book Becoming a Resonant Leader, it seems that you are split pretty evenly among the three planning styles and how you think about the future.  As well as I know you I think I can say you are goal-oriented in short term goals, and direction-oriented in long term goals.  Goal-oriented people tend to make and work towards specific goals and objectives.  Direction-oriented people think about where they want to end up and the general direction they want to pursue, but are flexible about specific goals.  That seems to be you; goal-oriented in the short term but direction oriented in the long term.  Think about this as you develop your learning agenda.

Let’s start with the first goal, starting a business.  That is the learning goal.  McKee et al. (2008) suggest that a few mileposts should be identified for each learning goal.  “Milestones are noticeable markers that indicate your progress toward your goal” (p. 165).  Three milestones along the path of starting a business are: identifying what kind of business to start, developing a business plan, and actually generating that first dollar of revenue.  “Action steps are what you do to reach each milestone” (McKee et al., 2008, p. 166).  So what are the action steps you will take for each milestone?  As you identify what type of business you will start you should consider what interests you can turn into a business, you will need to do market analysis, and perform product sampling and testing.  As you develop a business plan you will need to seek appropriate financing, decide if the business will be based out of your home or a physical location, and determine what resources you will need.  Finally, to reach the milestone of generating your first dollar of revenue you will need to take care of several administrative action steps such as opening a business bank account, launching a website, and hiring the right people.  These action steps and milestones will lead you to accomplish your goal of starting a business.  Your wife will be your primary support since it is your goal to start a business together.

So, how about your goal of becoming more outspoken and expressing your opinions openly?  What are the milestones?  It may seem more challenging to identify a learning agenda for this goal since it is more of a “soft skills” goal and less concrete, but I think it can be done.  Remember the video you watched by Boris Grundl (2015)?  He said that transformation happens in four stages: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence.  In the past you have been unconsciously incompetent.  You have been unwilling to speak up, and many times you did not even realize it! Perhaps the milestones would move you to each different stage.  The first milestone would be recognizing when you should speak up.  Practicing mindfulness and reflecting about your interactions with coworkers and others will be a key action step.  You can ask your wife to give you a sign when she thinks you are being too passive, such as a gentle elbow to the ribs.  To prepare you for similar future encounters it may be helpful to write down how you would have liked to handle the encounter in a journal.  The second milestone, the one that will take you to conscious competence will be actually speaking up.  At first this will feel unnatural.  That’s ok, you are trying to change, and change requires discomfort.  The action steps will be similar; continued mindfulness, discussion with your wife about the encounters, and journaling about your feelings.  The third milestone to get you to unconscious competence will be to continue practicing.  As you continue voicing your opinion you will get more and more comfortable and it will begin to feel natural.  Remember though, your goal is not to be contentious, it is to constructively express yourself.

Your third learning goal is to develop quality relationships, to go beyond the superficiality of mere acquaintances and a really get to know people, and especially to really let others get to know you.  So what are the milestones and the action steps?  First, it would be good to learn about quality relationships and developing friendships.  Action steps would be to do a little research and find a good book.  Perhaps an internet search would help, or you could read reviews on Amazon to find the right book.  Once you find it, order it and read it.  The next milestone could be to plan an activity with some people with whom you want to deepen your relationship.  Take a little time and think about your current acquaintances.  Make a list of those you think could develop into solid friendships.  Plan who you will invite to the activity.  Next, schedule it.  Get it on the calendar.  Lastly, plan what the activity will be.  The last milestone will be to be vulnerable.  That is probably what has prevented you from having deep friendships in the past.  People tend to be open with you because you are a great listener, but you tend not to open up much to others.  Open up more about yourself.  If you work on this learning goal at the same time you are working on the one about being open and expressing yourself you will probably find they go hand in hand.  Express your feelings, your concerns, and your fears.  If the conversation goes the right way you can even tell your friends about this goal and they can help support you through it.

As you work on these learning goals be patient, give yourself time.  Change takes time and it is not linear.  There are ups and downs.  Stick with it and you will find that you are transforming for the better.  You will overcome the weaknesses you want to overcome and become the person you want to be.  I’m here for you throughout the process.

References

Alder, S.L. (n.d.). Live Joyfully Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/live-joyfully

Grundl, B. (2015, November 5). How you become the best you can be [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/bXcXqCLdBjM

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your Emotional Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness (1st ed.). Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press.