A641.7.3.RB - Appreciating Your "Real Self"

Mindfulness has become a buzzword in recent years.  It almost seems that it is tossed around as if it were an elixir, capable of curing many of the modern ills.  Researchers have declared the benefits of mindfulness to be many and far reaching: reduced stress, reduced rumination, better emotional regulation, increased focus, increased drive, greater cognitive flexibility, improved memory, better relationships, and more (Davis & Hayes, 2012).  I believe these are potential benefits of mindfulness, but it is not an easily applied “take two and call me in the morning” prescription.  Mindfulness has to become a way of life.  “And mindfulness is not just a concept.  It's more like practice, you have to embody this mindful mode of being to have any benefits” (Jha, 2017, 12:33).

So what exactly is meant by mindfulness?  Mindfulness has been defined as “the capacity to be fully aware of all that one experiences inside the self —body, mind, heart, spirit—and to pay full attention to what is happening around us—people, the  natural world, our surroundings, and events” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 112).  Additionally, “People who deliberately practice mindfulness are consciously self-aware and self-monitoring; they are open and attentive to other people and to the world around them.  They tend to be resilient and strong in the face of power stress, because they attend to personal renewal as a way of life” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 45). 

A person can attain mindfulness in many ways; “there are many paths to mindfulness”  (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 112).  There is even a book written by Liz Dean entitled A Thousand Paths to Mindfulness (2015).  However, the process begins by “think[ing] about yourself holistically—to consider how to attend to the body, mind, heart, and spirit” (McKee et al., 2008, p. 47).  

McKee et al. (2008) provided numerous exercises to begin to see “how tuned-in you are with your current situation” (p. 47).  As I completed the exercises I noted that I could easily identify activities in my life and work that I consider to be of great worth, and that I struggled to find things about my life and work that I don’t like.  While working through the exercise about seeking balance I found my life and self to have considerable balance.  This is not really surprising to me, I have worked hard to maintain an appropriate balance in my life.  There was not one particular quadrant that I felt I needed more of or less of.  McKee et al. (2008) stated that “If you found the last few exercises easy, then chances are you have developed habits that allow you to maintain mindfulness as a normal part of life” (p. 55).  In the first couple years of my marriage, when my wife and I had our first daughter I decided that my family would always be my priority.  I have stayed true to that decision.  When opportunities have come up I have always weighed the decisions based on how they would affect my family life.  There have been several times that I have turned down potential opportunities because I felt that the balance in my life would be disrupted.  

Although I do feel that I am content with the current balance that I have in the areas of body, spirit, emotion, and mind, there are definitely ways that I can improve in each area.  In body, I take care of myself by running several times a week and getting regular exercise.  However, I could improve my diet by eating less junk food.  One of my limiting beliefs in that area is, “if I am doing regular exercise a little junk food won’t hurt me.”  I would need to give up the regular (a little too regular) sugary indulgences to really be where I want to be physically.

Regarding spirit, I am pretty happy.  I am a spiritual person and my long-standing habit of daily prayer, scripture study, and regularly reflecting on whether or not I am living my standards and values has served me well.  There have been times in my life that I have been more spiritual, but there have also been times when I have struggled more in this area.  I am happy with my current spirituality.  That is not to say I am perfect in this area, but I feel that I am well balanced.  I believe I am also well balanced in emotion.  I experience far more positive emotions than negative emotions.  I am able to understand and regulate my emotions with ease.  I have deep, fulfilling relationships with my wife, children, and friends.  In mind, I also feel balanced.  Although I do waste some time, I tend to be very effective and efficient with my time.  I do not watch much TV or play video games; I consider them a waste of time.  I would rather read a book then spend time in front of a screen.  

I believe my habits of personal religious devotion have provided me with the opportunity to practice regular mindfulness, although I may not have been aware of it until now.  I can see how important mindfulness is to balance in life.  “When we are mindful, we are more in control of ourselves and situations simply because we see reality more clearly” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 121).  

Now, there is a risk that I face in my situation.  A person that feels they have struck an appropriate balance in the different areas of life can easily slip into mindlessness; making decisions by default and not mindfully.  Continued mindfulness is the preventative medicine.  “Some people make mindfulness a way of life. . . . They live with their eyes open—able to adjust their behavior gradually, adapting to new circumstances while staying true to their core beliefs and working towards their goals and vision” (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005, p. 116).

References

Boyatzis, R. E., & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant leadership: renewing yourself and connecting with others through mindfulness, hope, and compassion. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

Davis, D. & Hayes, J.A. (2012). What are the Benefits of Mindfulness. American Psychological Association, Monitor on Psychology, 43(7).  Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner.aspx

Dean, L. (2015). A thousand paths to mindfulness. London: Spruce, a division of Octopus Publishing Group Ltd. Jha, A. (2017, April 7). Taming your wandering mind [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Df2JBnql8lc McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your Emotional Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness (1st ed.). Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press. Sachet, M. (2017, September 29). Mindfulness is more than a buzzword: a look behind the movement. Forbes.com. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/payout/2017/09/29/mindfulness-is-more-than-a-buzzword-a-look-at-the-neuroscience-behind-the-movement/#2975137b372f