A521.1.4.RB - Your Favorite Storytelling Leader

A few years ago I heard a well liked and respected man named Randall tell a story that impacted me and some of the decisions that I have made in my life since then.  I have heard him recount the same story on a couple occasions, and each time I have come away with a renewed desire to follow his example.

Randall and his family lived in Mississippi for a few years.  During their time there they became good friends with a woman that lived in their neighborhood.  Randall’s wife Jane grew especially close to her and they frequently helped each other out by watching each other’s children when the need arose.  However, after a period of time it seemed like the neighbor suddenly withdrew from the relationship; she appeared to avoid Randall and Jane and would no longer approach them when she needed help with her children.  Randall and Jane tried to recall what they might have done to offend the neighbor, but they could not remember anything that might have caused tension in the relationship. After a period of time Jane decided that she would approach the neighbor and simply apologize for anything she might have done to cause friction between them.  Because of Jane’s willingness to humbly apologize the relationship was mended and the neighbor treated them just as she had before! However, after about six or eight months the same thing happened again; the neighbor withdrew and Randall and Jane apologized again, still not knowing what they had done. In fact, over the years they lived in Mississippi, Randall and Jane apologized several times in order to conserve the relationship.  To this day they still don’t know what had repeatedly caused the rift in their relationship, but they still remain friends with the neighbor. Randall said that it was worth humbling themselves and apologizing for something they did not even know they were doing to keep their neighbor as a friend.

I found this story memorable not only because of the example that Randall and Jane had provided, but also because I believe that it describes a scenario that everyone has experienced.  The way they reacted to the friction in the relationship with their neighbor resonated with me; it just felt right. Everybody at one time or another has been hurt by someone or has unintentionally hurt a person close to them.  By humbly and sincerely apologizing, relationships can be preserved and pain can be avoided. Randall was able to clearly teach the importance and efficacy of apologizing by the use of his own life experience. Whalen (2007) described the feeling that I experienced while hearing Randall tell his story as felt sense. Felt sense includes “your body and mind working together, determining the degree to which the things you’re thinking about are good, true, important, and real” (p. 9).  My felt sense indicated that the principle that Randall was teaching was right.

Randall’s purpose in telling the story was clear: relationships are more important than being right.  Oftentimes relationships between friends, family members, spouses, coworkers and others are fractured over petty differences and misunderstandings.  Willingness to forgive and ask for forgiveness is a sign of strength, not weakness. Randall’s story was an example of convincing communication; his purpose was to shape the thinking and behavior of the listeners (Whalen, 2007).  Over the years since I heard Randall tell this story I have been more willing to apologize, even when I have not been aware of doing anything to offend, or when I have thought that what I said or did was not offensive.  I have also been more willing to forgive others because Randall’s story helped me to understand that I may become offended by something that another person says or does without their awareness. I believe that Randall’s story has helped me to be a better person.  I think one of the reasons this story impacted me so much was because of the respect I had for Randall. He was a role model for me, someone I wanted to emulate. I could sense truth and authenticity in his words; the story he told was consistent with the way he lived his life (Gruber, 2007).  


Reference

Gruber, P. (2007). The four truths of the storyteller. HBR.com. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2007/12/the-four-truths-of-the-storyteller

Whalen, D. J., & Ricca, T. M. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

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